2015: a real & honest reflection


Sometimes, our plans don't work out the way we intended them too. Sometimes, God has a completely different plan for us.

Exactly a year ago, if you would've asked me what my plans for 2015 were, I would've replied "graduate high school and attend UCF." 

Well, I ended up at Stetson instead of UCF. I still am upset about my college choice and it doesn't feel like home. I can so easily remember how much my parents wanted me to go to Stetson, even from the time I was a freshman. They handed me something in the mail from them when I was 15 and I proceeded to rip it up and tell them I would never apply to Stetson.

Fast forward 3 years, I applied to Stetson as a back up school. I got accepted, and got the highest merit scholarship offered. I toured it, but still couldn't see myself attending there. By March of 2015, I had gotten accepted to FSU, Florida Southern, University of Tennessee, UNF, and USF. I had absolutely no changes on my UCF application. All of my classmates were already accepting their college offers, and here I was holding off for a school.

In May, my application status remained unchanged. I made countless emails and phone calls to UCF. I practically begged them to evaluate my application. But I got nothing. I finally committed to Stetson just to get the stress of choosing a college off my back. Exactly a week later, I was accepted to UCF. I remember checking my application status on a Friday and seeing that page that said "congratulations!" I had never cried as hard as I did that night and for the following week. One week. I only had to wait one week before I could've attended the school of my dreams. The school that feels like home (and still does). 

A couple months later, I slowly got used to the idea of Stetson. I thought I had an awesome roommate, and I was excited about moving away from home. I got to school, joined a sorority, got involved with clubs. From everyone seeing me on social media, I looked happy and I still do. But anyone who knows me personally knows that I have struggled with making friends, the hard course work, and just with being at Stetson. I have gotten to the point where I refused to leave my dorm room besides class, and the second I finished my Friday class I either sped to UCF to see my friends and boyfriend, or went to my house. 

To anyone who sees me on social media, my life looks perfect. I just wanted to take this time to reflect on my year and be real with the people who follow my blog. I struggle with anxiety and have a irrational fear that everyone hates me or that I'm going to say something wrong.

To everyone who looks at people's social media pages and wishes they were them, just remember that social media is the best version of ourselves. We can pick and chose what to share from our lives. There is no way anyone can look at my Instagram and realize that I'm actually a girl who is struggling to make friends and accept her college choice. No one gets to see (or wants to see) the hard times you face through social media. 

As I reflect on this year, I have to say that there is more good that happened then bad. I just wanted to focus on my struggles for this post. Through 2015, I have joined an awesome sorority, became a WyldLife leader,  began to read more books, graduated high school with honors AND DSC with honors, received an award for being the outstanding student of the year at DSC for criminal justice, and also had the opportunity to go to Chicago with Turning Point USA (an organization I admire). I have had a successful year in more ways than one, and I have learned a lot about the world. I have began to dive deeper in my relationship with God.

2016, I am ready for you. 

If you actually read all of this, please comment! I would love to know how your 2015 was and what your plans are for the New Year! I'll be posting my 2016 Spring Semester goals sometime this week. :)